How I Made $2,000,000 From Trading Crypto


Follow this same proven strategy to get filthy rich, too

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There I was, huddled over my laptop in the living room.

The screen glowing green.

Green because the crypto market was up. Altcoins were hitting all-time highs.

I was in my pajamas, and I had been there for days.

My wife walked in and asked, “What are you doing?”

How do you explain cryptocurrency to a noob?

“Well, there’s this thing called the blockchain. It’s all the rage!”

She looked at me blankly, then shook her head and walked away.

I guess she wasn’t interested.

I turned back to my laptop and carried on. Tapping a few keys on the keyboard.

My eyes were blurry and bloodshot from looking at graphs for too long. I hadn’t bothered to shave or shower for three days.

I felt like a zombie. But it was worth it!

Waiting for the Right Moment to Buy In

The hard-fork had just happened. Bitcoin Cash got released to the miners.

“Game changer!” I screamed at my laptop screen. My wife was nowhere in sight. The traders were looking at how low BCH got.

A lightbulb went off in my head. They began pumping Bitcoin Cash, causing the price to rise exponentially.

My wife hurried into the living, probably thinking I’m a lunatic. “What’s going on in here?” she asked pointedly.

I neglected to respond. I was dealing with something more important. Something that would change our lives.

If she was upset, it didn’t matter. I would make up for it soon enough.

Nothing mattered at that moment! Except for money and trading and technology and the blockchain. That glorious and all mighty blockchain.

My eyes burned from staring at the screen, but I did not care. My heart beat rapidly. Anxious because I knew the money I could be making.

The pump had reached a fever pitch, and the traders were going to cash out, causing Bitcoin Cash to plummet in value by nightfall.

Finally, the moment came, traders flooded the market with Bitcoin Cash. The price tanks all-the-while I am laughing at the screen.

I could not have planned it any better. It was almost too easy.

Now there are no buyers left in the market for Bitcoin Cash and the price is plummeting.

It was only a matter of time before it bottoms out completely. Which means, “Buy the dip!”

I place a bid for a hundred thousand BCH. My order fills almost immediately. All I have to do is sit back and wait.

Is It Time To Cash Out My Crypto Portfolio?

A week later, I’m back at it again, staring at that familiar computer screen. Trading charts pulled up, filling every inch.

I am laughing at the screen. I had finally done it.

I was a millionaire. Just like that. And it happened so fast.

My wife walked into the room, asking what I was doing.

“Stealing candy from toddlers,” I replied. My smirk growing wider at the edges.

She just shook her head and walked away. I did not care. I had a million dollars now!

“I’m going out. Don’t worry about dinner. It’s on you tonight,” she said before leaving the house, car keys in hand.

I shrug and think, “So what? A million dollars can buy us lots of dinners.”

A few hours pass by before the price rises again.

The market is picking up Bitcoin Cash slowly, but surely!

I have made another million in pure profit just in time for lunch!

“What’s going on?” my wife asked.

She must’ve returned without me realizing it.

I neglect to respond to her yet again. She can wait. I just need to take my profits and leave the market before it crashes.

I press a key on my laptop to execute the trade. 100,000 BCH sold.

I think to myself, “I’ll head to the dealership tomorrow and buy myself another new car. A Tesla Model S. Just because I can.”

The price continues to rise steadily all day long, but I don’t care. It’s better to get out while my profits were still intact.

“What are you still doing here?” my wife asked, interrupting my train of thought.

It was 3 a.m. The house was nearly dark, except for the dim light from the hall.

I look up at her, almost as if she was a foreigner wearing funny clothes.

“Come to bed, dear,” she coaxed me.

I close the lid of the laptop, a broad smile etched on my unshaven face.

I don’t care how messy I look, because I am filthy rich.

A crypto millionaire, in fact.


This story is a joke, fictional, and for entertainment only. Please don’t take it seriously. Also, don’t consider it financial or legal advice; because it’s not.


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